Worried

What is worry? A feeling of being out of control and not understanding the consequences and having a sense of heightened concern whenever something happens?  Well, that was me this morning.
Two nights ago, for the first time since finding out about his cancer and the subsequent surgery, I put him in his crate to sleep. During his recovery I felt that he should be near so I could tell what was going on with him and so for several months he's been sharing our bed, but more like taking over. So over the last two days I've started to wean him away from sleeping with us.  Another reason he was allowed to sleep with us at night was because I treasured the time with him and still do, but I realized that I wasn't sleeping well and that could not continue, so I had to retrain him to welcome his little crate again. He whined for a good hour, little whines, not outright crying, but still a little there and sometimes a little louder, but eventually he stopped. He did one final frustrated whine/hmmpp (that's how I can describe it) and that was it. The next night he didn't make a sound, just went in his crate with a little coaxing and fixed his covers up to lay down. Unfortunately it lasted until around 7:30AM when I heard him retching.  Dogs can have upset stomachs, throw up and then be fine.  He came out of his crate and promptly threw up what appeared  to be his dinner from the night before. This is not normal for him and it appeared not to be full digested even though he'd eaten almost 9 hours before. He quickly did the doggie thing and re-ate it, which is entirely too gross for words, (but that's a dog for you), that by the time I was able to see what it was, it was gone and I couldn't judge how much he'd thrown up. He got up on the bed and quickly curled tightly into a ball next to me as if he was spooning.  Normally he stretches out his entire body so that almost ever inch of him is touching some part of you but this time he was in a tight little ball, which indicated something was not right in his world. Eventually he stretched out with his head near my arm and fell asleep and woke up when Bob came to take him out. He did fine after that and begged for his breakfast and ate every bit of it, so it appears he's ok for the moment. He is laying down beside me with his body fully stretched out and not in a ball and seems to be very peaceful. He's not restless or acting as if he can't get comfortable so we are at a loss as to what might have caused his vomiting. I can only say that we watch him like a hawk and Bob says, stop worrying about all the things that could be wrong, he's ok, stop the worrying.  But for some reason that is hard for me to do. If you know what is going on, you're more at ease, but when you have no idea what to expect, you are waiting for the next shoe to drop.  I know that is what is playing a huge part in my worry. I worry about the smallest change in his behavior that might mean nothing, the restlessness that might mean he is just having to go outside or the lowering of his tail because he's bored...The difficulty is knowing how to set aside the fact that he underwent surgery for cancer four weeks ago today. It is like the old adage, the elephant in the room and for some reason you can't ignore the fact that he was given this marvelous and wonderful chance, but it could simply be a reprieve for the moment. No matter what we want to believe, he had a terrible cancer.  The only thing I can do is pray that the miracle that I think is him, is truly that, a miracle and a cure. But no matter, the worry will probably always be my constant companion and be the little voice waiting for signs of things to come.  But maybe that is the issue, the signs I'm "seeing" are not important and have no relevance. I'm adding their importance because of what I know, not because it is reality.
I will promise to worry less and enjoy more, that is the lesson here.