Such a long break from writing, but then that is a good thing. We are so pleased with what seems like a very happy dog. The only signs of some things that are not picture perfect is his persistent issues with skin eruptions that have no cause, the need to be in the same room with you at all times, and the tail in the down position most of the time.  That worries me the most since a tail is an indicator to us that he is not feeling up to par. If there were things going on with him we'd have little indication, but the tail up or down seems to be a way of saying to us, things aren't right here...but then again I could be imagining things and worrying that it is something, when in fact, it's nothing.
Our wonderful oncologist vet. who we only met once has kept in touch and I've sent pictures of the little guy looking great and he does look good and she's written back to say that she spoke with the surgeon who did Mack's surgery and doesn't know what to do with the information.  This is because I asked that we not be told anything. It was a decision I felt I could change if I wanted to but for the moment I wanted to be left in the dark because I felt that he was going to be fine, that we did everything we could for him and if there was anything going on, there was nothing we could do for him so why know...she asked if we wanted to know and so far I've left the email alone and I'm not really sure I want to know. Bob said he'd write to her and tell her to tell him and he'd be able to take it, but I just know that the minute she writes what she knows, that he'll be teary eyed and sad and morose and then I'll know it's not good. I just keep thinking in my mind that he's been cured, and maybe she wants to tell us that it's a good prognosis, but being that it's cancer of the bone, I'm not sure those will be the words she says.
I've gone back and forth about hearing what she has to say, I'm already a mess when it comes to thinking about losing him, so why have to get the bad news all over again? Why torture myself over his  illness, which I think has been taken away?  But then I begin to think of the reasons why it would be good to know so we can make plans, have a ball park idea of what to expect and then go from there. If you treat it like the elephant in the room, the elephant will eventually effect the situation.s  How can it not?  Large issues loom larger.

So I haven't written back yet, but I feel as if I will and then my world will be colored by what she says and what they found. I guess I like living in a make believe world better than reality and sometimes that is necessary, because it's one of the better coping mechanisms out there, avoidance and repression.
Eventually though, it rears it's ugly head and reality slaps you in the face, which I fear could be where we're heading, but I try not to go there either!

So here's the little munchkin looking good and through the screen of our porch, he looks luminous and sweet and loving and cute and all those wonderful things I absolutely love about him.
My sweet Diggie Dog what would you have me do? Hear the words or ignore them?