Thankgiving...not so sure...

Can it be possible that it's already Thanksgiving and I'm finding it hard to be grateful? It truly is hard to be "thankful" when watching my little dog and thinking about his issues. I find it hard to say thank you for his cancer and facing his loss in the future and harder still to be grateful when I know there isn't a thing I can do about it.  I am elated he is still with us and I chastise myself for not being grateful for even the littlest of things, yet it's still hard to say thank you when it's osteosarcoma.

What I'm struggling to do this Thanksgiving is to be thankful that I still have him greeting me at the door with his special howl/cry/yowl/yip/bark greeting, his wagging tail, his bright eyes looking up at me. Thankful for the sweet dear friend who gave him to me, because she loved him as much as I do. I can be thankful he's been healthy up until now and loved his entire life. I can be thankful that he loved me and honored me with his love and for his desire to be with me wherever I am and for wanting to snuggle and sleep with me at night. I can be thankful that at present he is having almost all good days.  Those are the precious thank you's I say every night in my prayers. I thank God for giving him to me for one more day and for watching over him.

But I've figured out why he is having mostly good days and that is because after talking to the oncologist and figuring out some of what she said, bone cancer doesn't cause too many symptoms until it spreads...The insidiousness of it is that it spreads in almost all cases. The jaw type has a slight edge in that it doesn't move as fast, so that is one thank you I must say out loud, but it does spread eventually. That is where the symptoms come into play, because once it's spread to wherever it's going to go, then you see the health effects depending on what organ or spot it's invading. In other words it's stalking my little Mack like a snake, once it bites, it's spreading,  and then we deal with the effects. I understand that if it's been there a while...it could be somewhere else and where it goes will be what takes him away from us. To top it off if it's growing (at whatever rate it is growing) it can lead to very painful symptoms so we have to be ready for that as well. I'm praying that it's not growing personally, thank you very much~

Damn this osteosarcoma and damn it for coming after my dog.

But what I say to you, you stinky, awful, terrible, bone cancer, GOOD LUCK TAKING HIM because I'm going to come at you with everything I have and then some and I'm going to pray, pray and pray some more and I'm going to be thankful for every ounce of happiness I can squeeze out of every minute that he's here.  I will be truly grateful then for so many things, like arms to hug my diggie dog Mack, lips to kiss the top of his head and legs to carry him where ever we have to go.  It's done, osteosarcoma,  you have a foe now, and using a metaphor of osteosarcoma being like a snake, well meet your Mongoose.