Imagination or Reality?

I think sometimes your imagination plays tricks on you but today it doesn't seem to be that at all. I'm not imagining the fact that Mack is much, much quieter than usual today. When I came home he didn't greet me like I was a returning lost soul and he quickly went in and laid down again. He is not following me around from room to room either, waiting and wondering where I'm going to land and he didn't sleep with Bob for his afternoon "lay down" for the second time... He managed to come out for the crunchy pita chips we eat but other than that, he's not acting like the "old" Diggie. This is a more "depressed" Diggie today.

As I walked out of the office today I told the secretary that maybe I was just in denial about all this. We have the oncologist appointment scheduled on Monday and this is Friday. I told her that maybe that was the only way I could cope and she agreed. Until we know more, don't go there, which seems ok until you see him not acting right and then those scared, fearful and uncertain feelings come over you like a steam roller.  We are trying so hard to keep these anxious feelings at bay.  If not then you overwhelm yourself with that unsettling sense of uncertainty and fear that has no remedy. It consumes you and makes you feel terrible. I don't think he fears the unknown and he's going along with well, today I'm kind of tired...no other need to consider why or if there is something wrong in his mind. He doesn't "go" there.

So I am trying very hard to view him through his eyes, rather than the worried mother's eyes when she sees her child flush with fever and pink cheeks.  He doesn't have anxiety for the future and certainly if you feel these awful feelings maybe they can be felt by your pets. They say they pick up on your sadness and fear and other emotions we're probably not aware of and if that is the case then we need to cultivate a more zen like attitude for sure.

I'm not going there until I'm forced there, that will be my motto from now on, even though I know those fearful thoughts can't help but creep in when I notice tiny signs of discomfort or change in his behavior, or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and there isn't anything "different". Maybe he is the same inside and feeling fine, but getting inside the head of a dog is a mighty undertaking. He is not going to tell me when he is in pain or uncomfortable so it's the guessing game and I don't want to guess incorrectly, but for the moment, we aren't going to go there. Love you little Diggie Dog.